By Subhasree Nag
Caring for adult children, especially those with ongoing physical, intellectual, or emotional needs, can be one of the most rewarding yet challenging responsibilities a parent can undertake.
Adult children parenting can be challenging. While many parents are willing to go above and beyond to support their children, it’s vital to also protect your well-being, health, and independence.
Finding balance is key—not only for your sake but also to ensure your adult children receive the most sustainable care.
Adult Children Parenting: Embrace This Transition
Young adulthood is the time when they seek new friendships and find their way with work and health. Naturally, it will take you a while to understand this transition.
Some parents even need to consult a therapist and discuss things with other parents. You will go through emotional stress as well, but you must listen to them and respond accordingly.
Certain things mentioned here can help you better deal with this transition. Let’s take a look at those.
Acknowledge the Change in Roles
As your child grows into an adult, the dynamics of your relationship with them will change. The transition can be complicated if the young adult needs a lot of support because of their disability, life circumstances, or mental health condition.
It is necessary that you acknowledge this shift. However, do not just assume a role where you are completely responsible for their well-being. A young adult deserves agency, and you deserve a life where you can grow personally and practice self-care.
Treat Them as The Young Adults They Are
Think of yourself when you were that age. Even though society has changed, many things have not. For instance, figuring out the emotional relationship with a parent is still incomprehensible.
No matter their age, you will always see them as children. However, remember that this is the time when they find people from other cultures, sexualities, and genders. This is definitely going to affect them.
So, you have to keep an open mind, understand what they are going through, and embrace it.
Don’t Just Assume That Would Reflect on The Past
If you feel guilt about a certain aspect of their childhood, don’t assume that they will be willing to discuss that matter with you openly because they are adults now. Your children might not welcome that.
Even if you want to apologise most lovingly, they might not want to discuss it. Parenting is not easy. Some young adults might want to discuss it, but some might feel disempowered and uncomfortable.
So, give them that space. If you already know that you had a difficult childhood, you do not just add anxiety to it now. You can do nothing about it now, so don’t bring that stress back.
Set Clear Boundaries
One of the most powerful tools in maintaining balance is setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. This can include expectations about household responsibilities, financial contributions, or time spent together.
Boundaries help define where your responsibilities end and where your adult child’s independence begins. They also prevent burnout by ensuring you’re not sacrificing all of your energy to caregiving duties.
Don’t Criticize or Love Conditionally
Many young adults say that they get mixed signals from their parents. They often feel that they are not enough the way they are. If they do not follow the path their parents want them to or meet their expectations, they are not encouraged and loved.
As a parent, you will have certain expectations from your kids and grandkids. This can make them feel like an agenda to get your love, and they often feel they can’t be who they are because they want to impress you.
So, just let them be for a while, embrace how they are, and encourage them to be the best version of themselves.
Encourage Independence
Adult children parenting in becoming as independent as possible. This might mean helping them find employment, connecting them with vocational training, or encouraging them to take control of their appointments and finances.
Even small steps toward independence can help reduce your caregiving load while building your child’s confidence.
If your child has a disability or chronic illness, professional assistance can make a huge difference.
For example, NDIS support services Sydney can offer a wide range of tailored support, including personal care, therapy, and daily living assistance, helping your child lead a more independent and fulfilling life.
Prioritise Self-Care
Many caregivers place themselves at the bottom of the priority list, which can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion over time.
Make time for yourself—whether it’s a hobby, exercise, socialising with friends, or simply quiet time. Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity that allows you to continue supporting others without compromising your health.
Seek Support and Share the Load
You don’t have to do it alone. Tap into support networks, whether that’s extended family, friends, professional counsellors, or community resources. Talking with others in similar situations can provide perspective, validation, and new strategies for coping.
Professional support services, such as social workers or care coordinators, can also help you develop a long-term care plan that includes respite care, financial planning, and future living arrangements.
Services like these are crucial for both the well-being of your adult child and your peace of mind.
Plan for the Future
Adult children parenting can sometimes feel like a day-to-day juggling act. However, if you take a long-term plan, you can improve things.
You can be involved in legal guardianship or decision-making arrangements and review your retirement plans. Moreover, you can discuss supported living options as well.
If you have a clear plan, it can help reduce your anxiety about your future and create a roadmap that respects your and your child’s needs.
Caring for an adult child means taking on some logistical and emotional challenges. However, it is possible to do so without losing yourself in the process.
By setting boundaries, encouraging independence, seeking support, and planning, you can foster a healthy, balanced relationship that benefits both you and your child in the long run.
