By Arina Smith
Whether you have seen active service or not, trying to find someone who understands the demands of being committed to the Armed Services, and the culture that is core to the military, is not always easy, particularly not if you are looking for love amongst the general population.
So, how do you find the right place to meet the right person? Even more so if you are currently in active service, how do you find someone understands that you will be away for possibly months at a time?
This is why specialist military dating sites have sprung up online. So that if you are in the military or have a preference for dating someone in the military, then you aren’t going to have to wade through people who either don’t understand what life is like for those in the armed services.
Who Are You Looking For?
Whether you have been in the services for a while, or just finished basic, there are a few things that you will quickly discover in the dating world – not everyone understands what goes on in the military, and not everyone is cut out to date someone in the military.
In many ways this is even more true for hetro women in service than for men, it can be difficult trying to find someone who can accept all the quirks that go with dating military personnel.
So, what are someone of the things you can look out for? We’re talking personality here, physically is totally up to your preference.
Do They Like Travelling?
Ok, so for a short term fling you probably won’t be asking your potential lover to be moving on base with you, but when you’re looking through profiles on dating sites, why not look for someone who enjoys travelling. Although they can’t go with you when you deploy to active duty, it would be the rare service person who gets to stay in their home base until retirement. Having someone in your life who is adaptable, who enjoys learning about new cultures, who wants to explore the world with you is going to be an asset.
Whether you stay stationed in America or get stationed around the world, you will likely want a partner or spouse who can enjoy the new experiences that life with you will provide. Having someone who has never left home and has no desire to live more 5 miles from mom and dad is unlikely to be a match made in heaven.
Do They Love Culture, There Own, and Others?
One of the things about being stationed on a base outside of America is that you bring your culture with you. A USA military base becomes a little piece of America wherever one is set up, and it’s not just the language. Although in America we can see vast cultural differences between Texans, Californians and New Yorkers, when you are away from home those differences tend to blend into a big pot of “American”.
So, when you are stationed overseas, particularly if you are in a non-English speaking country, you are bringing that American culture to the area. Does your potential partner enjoy being American? If not, they might not enjoy the experience of representing the American culture when overseas.
By balance, to really thrive at an overseas base they need to embrace and enjoy the experience of learning about other cultures. No, they don’t need to be able to speak 60 languages (if they do you might find your commander trying to recruit them), but someone who will only eat food if it is labeled in English and is cooked in a microwave is unlikely to enjoy every eating off base. You might be ok with this if the base is in the Middle East, but what if you’re stationed to Korea or Germany? https://www.military.com/base-guide/browse-by-service
Ok, so we’re going to jump way ahead, but start as you mean to go on – someone who isn’t pretty anti-American but doesn’t actually want to leave America is not going to be a great match. They may think they want to be with someone in the military, but if they don’t love their country, they’re probably going to have a very hard time understanding why they keep losing you to go and defend it.
Dating Sites & Searching:
So, what are you going to search for when you find a good dating site? If you have worked out where the good military sites are then you are already a step closer, but either way, using a dating site is a fine line between knowing exactly what you (think you) want, and taking a risk on something new.
Much of the time people think they have physical preferences, a “type” that they normally go for. However, if you have had a string of breakups, maybe it’s time to change your type?
People often think that they want someone like them, but the reality is that although you will need to have core values that match, generally a bit of diversity and balance is a better long-term goal (see here). A homebody introvert might be perfect to come home to after an intense overseas deployment, but someone who needs to have you around all the time in order to be amused or entertained is not going to be happy.
Maybe write a list of things that you actually enjoy doing. If you have diverse interests, that’s great. So, you enjoy rock climbing, reading War & Peace, and going to raves, that’s awesome – and not as different as you may think, they’re all essentially solitary pursuits. But include that in your profile, you want to attract someone who is intrigued by who you are, who is going to find you interesting. You may have been told that your secret obsession with stamp collecting is just annoying, but to the right person, it is going to be endearing.
There is the right match out there for everyone, and dating sites are a great way to find that right one.
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