By Mashum Mollah
Countless blog sites are filled with articles that have glorified titles like- ’13 Marriage Tips That Singles Need to Hear,’ and ‘7 Tips for Single Women who want to get Married.’ If you are interested in consuming similar content, we are not one such content platform. We would categorically tell you at the very outset, that for us, marriage is more about just tips. On the contrary, it is embodied with a meaningful virtue, it is one of God’s elite matchmaking services and it is probably going to be the single biggest investment in your life. Therefore, respectfully, if we may ask- do you make the biggest investments in your life with just ‘Tips’? We think you do not, so let us give this topic the proper respect that it deserves, and not degenerate into calling or even equating something as important as marriage with tips.
Are You Ready For Marriage?
We understand that when you reach a certain age, there are innumerable influences that keep reminding you that you have to get married (family members, colleagues, friends, mailman, and others). The pressure from the same forces you consciously or unconsciously at some point in your life, to get up one fine day, and think about questions that you would not have normally considered. Things like- are they right, should I get married, is it the right time for me to settle down, where will I find someone, what if he or she is the right person and numerous other reasons that keep swirling problematically in your head and start dominating your mental space.
Let’s get one issue right out of the way- There is no right age for one to get married! It differs from individual to individual and from context to context. Someone is ready to get married at 25; some people are not even ready at 50 years of age. In this context neither is the one who wants to get married at 25 wrong nor is the one who at 50 still feels that s/he is not ready yet. People who try and influence others to get married often speak from their own vantage points and experiences often showing no regard or respect for an individual’s own feelings, emotions, and thought processes.
The single most important thing for you to consider before you decide to consider getting married is to assess the fact that is you ready for marriage. We cannot stress enough on the fact that marriage is a lifelong commitment and one that you would probably end up doing just once in your life. Before deciding if someone is good or bad for you, analyze whether you are good or bad for anyone. We want to point out that this entails assessing yourself materially (finances, career, loans, mortgages, etc.) as well as emotionally. People often make the mistake of just seeing at how well settled they are financially and in terms of their career before deciding to get married, often neglecting the emotional makeup of themselves as individuals.
How will I know whether I am ready or not?
The next question that you might want to ask us is- ‘How will I know if I am ready’? If you have reached to this question, we would want to congratulate you on the fact that you gave the earlier section a read, analyzed yourself emotionally and then have reached to a point where you have raised this pertinent question. Again, we would want to be truthfully realistic with you on this point. We do not think that there would be a grand signage shouting- ‘Congratulations, You Are Ready!’ or a street musician who would start playing a romantic song spontaneously as you pass him by on the subway. However, you might be notified from one of the most credible elite matchmaking services on the internet.
You will know if you are ready or not when you are able to ask yourself one question and answer the same honestly, truthfully and with the most amount of conviction that you have ever had for anything in your life.
The question- Can I spend the rest of my life with this person, and go to any lengths to protect him or her, our relationship and our institution of marriage?
The answer- We will leave that up to you to answer for yourself!
How will I meet a person who would want me to marry?
The next area of confusion that dominates any discussion regarding where will you meet your ideal soulmate is often controlled and influenced by agencies like elders, family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and almost any other individual who comes to know that you are looking for marriage and a partner. The proverb- ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’ is applicable in all its glory.
A church, family get-together, Friday pub hopping, office spaces, dating sites, matrimonial sites, local markets, supermarkets, and other stores, are some of the often-listed territories that specialists and experts prescribe. Frankly, for a normal human being the entire process can get intimidating, appear desperate and most importantly, takes quite a toll on your emotional and physical health. Therefore, the next question on your mind is what we suggest. Let us help you out on that front as well.
To start with let us draw on the earlier points mentioned in the article and ask you not to be too hard on yourself. Yes, there are possibilities that you will meet your ideal in one of the many places stated above. However, a difference needs to be made- forcing things to happen, and letting things to happen to you. Superficially, both might appear to be rather similar, but one cannot be further away from the truth.
Places have a magic of their own-
Some of my friends met their husbands and wives at weird places like a rock concert, a car washing service, a vet’s chamber and even at a meeting where a friend of mine went to seek a round of funding from a VC firm (turned out his future wife was one of the VPs at the firm). What we are trying to tell you is that there is a difference in forcing something and being determined about something. You might find love at some of the strangest places, and at moments and places where you are definitely not looking for love.
Yes, some very good and credible elite matchmaking services pay careful attention to your needs and requirements. They take into consideration issues of privacy, along with having a trustworthy rate of success. However, the majority of such sites are poorly maintained or managed and have little concern for your emotions or your preferences.
Best of your luck, but always remember, that you should let life and love come to you rather than listening to others or forcing your way in love.
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