By Mashum Mollah
Making an adopted child a part of your family especially for a first time parent is not easy. There are a lot of uncertainties and fears associated with the process of adoption.
Will the child become fully integrated into our family? Is there a time when he will accept me as though I was his biological parent?
Will I be able to impart great values that will mold him into a responsible adult? Though these are genuine concerns, do not let them stop you from giving your best to your child.
Both the adopted child and a biological child are the same. The only difference is in the way you react to situations. You are afraid of making a mistake that will ruin the relationship with your child forever.
To help you become a better parent, here a 10 great tips:
1. Respect Baby’s Roots:
Your adopted baby had a life before he became a part of you. This matters more if you are adopting an older child.
Whether he was living in an orphanage or was living with his birth parents, he had a name. to maintain his identity, you can choose to maintain that name as it matters to them a lot.
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2. Create a routine:
A routine will help your baby to know what to expect at any time of the day or night. For instance, let him know the right time for bed, when to take his meals, and his play time.
This routine will help him to transition from one activity to the other which will raise his self-confidence.
3. Remain predictable:
Let your baby know you are there for him. When he cries or call, be there for him as this will prove that he can count on you.
If you cannot respond physically at any time, give a verbal response to assure the baby that he can depend on you.
4. Create an emotional connection:
Allow your child to experience varying emotions in various circumstances. When you see him, smile at him and engage him in a conversation.
When you are sad, allow him to feel it even as you talk. This will help your baby to understand that he can express what he feels without reservations.
5. Never take your baby’s behavior personally:
It will take some time before your baby recognizes that he is an important part of your family. At times, he will be very cold and speak hurtful words like, ‘I hate you! Or ‘You are not my real mother!!’
The hurtful words do not mean that your child has rejected you. He is only expressing his fears, anger, and frustrations.
With time, he will get used to his new environment and understand that you mean well for his. This will make him warm up to you and accept you as a part of her life.
6. Align your words with your actions:
When your child comes from school, talk to him, ‘Hi son! How was your day? I will help you freshen up, and then, we can have a snack together. Is this okay with your son? I love you and wouldn’t give you up for anything!’
Let your child know that you mean what you say and that your actions are out of love.
7. Focus on your child and follow his lead:
With time, your adopted child will realize that your life revolves around them and that they are an important part of you. This will build his inner strength and prove to him that he matters.
At times, you can allow your child to take a lead role in the running of the house affairs. Following his lead will instill great values in him and make him realize that what he says matters to you.
8. Maintain eye contact:
In the beginning, your child may refuse to have any eye contact with you. You can playfully work on this by letting him know you are playfully peeping at him.
With time, he will be confident enough to look directly into your eyes. He will understand that you are a part of him and he should not feel threatened by your presence.
9. Anticipate whining, tantrums, and clinging:
When your child throws a tantrum, it is to get your attention and the best decision is sticking around until it’s over. Saying things like, ‘I know you need some time with me, right?’ or ‘it seems you want to tell me something son?’
With time, he will be able to express himself without throwing tantrums.
10. Protect him!
Keep your baby close to your heart and protect him with your life. When your child gets to know that he is secure with you, it will make him more confident in the future.
When you get actively involved in the life of your adopted baby, you will get more attached. It will be impossible for anyone to know if you adopted your child as your bond will be real.
11. Don’t Hurry the Bonding Process
Bonding is not something that happens overnight. While some adoptive parents feel love instantly, other adoptive parents might take time to develop a deep emotional bond-and that’s perfectly OK.
Your baby can also take some time getting used to his or her new environment, sounds, and faces. Be patient with it.
Allow moments of closeness to develop naturally. Remember, bonding is about consistent care, comfort, and presence, not about how quickly it happens.
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12. Affection and Cuddling
One of the most powerful methods of building attachment with your baby is physical affection. Light cuddling, hugging, and holding communicate that the infant is safe and loved.
Babies adore closeness; it reassures them that they are safe and valued. Simple actions such as stroking over the back, holding the hands, or rocking to sleep serve to strengthen this emotional bridge between you and your child.
13. Take Co-Sleeping into Consideration
Co-sleeping is a beautiful way to enhance bonding when done in a safe manner. The security and connection will keep your baby sleeping near you, either in the same bed or in a bedside bassinet.
They can hear your heartbeat and warmth, smell the scent of your body, and hear your voice-all fostering comfort and familiarity.
Just be sure to follow sleep guidelines so that no risk is presented, and an appropriate, secure sleep routine is established.
14. Kangaroo Care
Through skin-to-skin contact, often called kangaroo care, emotional and physical bonding between parents and babies can be established. This includes holding your baby close against your bare chest and having him or her feel your heartbeat and warmth.
It regulates your baby’s body temperature, heart rate, and breathing while improving bonding and emotional attachment. If you’re an adoptive parent, this can be a particularly effective, healing practice.
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15. Start Family Traditions
Creating family traditions gives your child a sense of belonging and identity. This can be as simple as reading to your baby every night, having a lullaby only for that child, doing Sunday morning pancakes, or a yearly celebration called “Adoption Day”.
These predictable, loving rituals bring stability and joy into your baby’s life, reminding them they are part of a family that deeply values them.
16. Family Support
Raising an adopted baby takes a village, just like any parenting journey. It is great to be surrounded by your family members and friends who understand your journey. It is important that people around you wholeheartedly accept your child.
Another great way to get emotional support, shared experience, and valuable insights regarding adoptive parenting challenges is through joining adoptive parent groups-online or offline.
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17. Take Care of Yourself
Parenting is emotionally intense, and adoptive parenting especially so. Caring for your physical and mental needs allows you to be the best version of yourself to your baby.
Rest when you need to rest, eat well, and take breaks when you need them. Don’t forget: self-care is not selfish, it’s essential. Counseling or therapy can also be helpful in processing emotions and building confidence as a parent.
18. Communication
Even before your baby can understand words, communication counts. Talk to them, softly sing, and describe your daily activities, as this helps your child become familiar with your voice and will help them trust you.
As they get older, have honest, open, and loving communication about their adoption story. By creating a space where questions and feelings are welcome, you’re building the foundation of lifelong openness and trust.
19. Eye Contact
One of the earliest, most important bonding tools between parent and baby is eye contact. It helps your child learn your face and emotions, which strengthens attachment.
During feeding, playtime, or simply talking to your baby, maintain gentle eye contact; it tells your child, “I see you, and you matter.” This simple, instinctive behavior can have a remarkable effect on emotional security and connection.
20. Simply Relax
It’s sometimes tempting to “do everything right,” but as an adoptive parent, what your baby needs most is love and patience.
Go with the flow and don’t get too worried about each and every moment-your baby doesn’t need perfection, they need your presence.
Find joy in tiny milestones, laugh often, and give yourself grace along the way. Parenting is a journey, not a race.
Bonding With Your Baby
Raising an adopted baby is a journey of heart, healing, and deep connection. While it may come with unique challenges, it’s filled with extraordinary joy, too.
Through patience, affection, and consistency, you will build a secure and loving bond that far surpasses biology.
Remember, what makes a family is not just shared DNA; it’s shared love, trust, and moments of real connection. Your baby does not need a perfect parent, just a present one, and that’s exactly what you can be.
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